I would wake up everyday at 5am to get ready for school praying and hoping that today would be the day I fall in love with myself. I was only 12 years old. Shame was something I never understood because I grew up in Africa; there was really nothing to be ashamed of. I loved my body, my culture, and my lifestyle. My first experience with shame was when I was 10 years old. I moved to the united states one month after my 10th birthday and I was learning to adjust to the system. While learning to adjust I met my dear friend shame. My journey began the first day of middle school when all the kids laughed at my thick Liberian accent and nappy cornrows. I was so skinny my clothes could barely fit me. When I went home that day I cried and I stood in the mirror looking at myself. It was the first time in my life I actually felt ugly. The feeling continued and as the years went by my dear friend shame never left my sight. He was always there to remind me why I hated myself... By the time I was 13 years old I gained almost 60 pounds because I was tired of people telling me that I was too skinny.

By the time I was 15 I was so ashamed of my body that I stopped  hanging out with my friends. I would stay at home and wallow in self pity. I kept hearing how fat I was from every angle. People that I thought were my friends put me down and made me feel lesser than my worth. I asked my mom if there was anything I could do to lose weight apart from exercising and she smiled and said "you look perfect just the way you are." The problem is I wasn't looking for approval from her, I was looking for approval from my peers. People made me feel like I was so unworthy of love because of my weight. Later on that summer of 2014 I started taking diet pills. I became addicted to them, I couldn't eat a meal without popping a pill. I started mixing the diet pills with diet tea and it was working faster just the way I wanted it to.

Two months later I lost 30 pounds! Everybody was telling me how skinny I looked and how amazing my body was, but every time I looked in the mirror all I saw was an ugly fat girl that everybody hated. So I continued popping pills ad thought it would make me better. One Saturday morning in July I was cleaning up the house. I could feel my heart beating so fast, it was beating faster than usual before I knew it I couldn't catch my breath. I was taken into the emergency room. The doctor checked everything and couldn't tell me what was wrong. A few hours later they confirmed that I was low on blood and also suffering from severe anxiety. I stayed to the hospital for a few more hours then left. I was given some pills to take. When I went home my thought process started to change, it took a near death experience to make me realize that I shouldn't care what people have to say about me.

I stopped listening to people but my dear friend shame was always there making me feel unworthy. I started to azote fake confidence and before I turned 17 I was confident in my body. I stopped listening to shame and people kept wondering how I managed to do this "impossible" thing... I was able to overcome shame because I found my worth. I was introduced to Christ and since then my mindset has never been the same. I love my body not because it's perfect but because it's flawed. I love my scars so much I wrote an entire poem about it


By: Jael Perkins

My scars.

They tell a story.

They tell my story.

A story of love, pain, abuse, joy and neglect.

My scars are not ugly.

They're beautiful, because they taught me a lesson.

It was because of your love that I saw that I was favored.

My scars they don't hurt.

They're beautiful.

They made me stronger.

They made me get closer to you.

My scars they brought me joy and yes I was neglected but I had you.

God you opened my eyes to see my scars.

My scars they're beautiful because they remind me of your love and promise
My scars they help me understand my story.

My scars they're beautiful.


I found that the very thing I was ashamed of was what made me unique. That's how shame became a distant memory. Shame who? lol.

What's your story? If you don't mind sharing I would love to hear it. Email me at

That's all for now, until next time stay fabu-lous!

Peace, love and happy shopping


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