RANDOM RANT: REJECTION, DOUBT, FEARS AND GLOOMY DAYS


I have had  a lot of gloomy days lately... 
While preparing to write this post I was faced with the thought that these rants are always kind of negative. I honestly don't try to be like that but I don't know it just happens...

Most people that have known me for a while have told me that I am spoiled. But I say that's not the case. I expect a lot from people, if you befriend me I expect you to be loyal, caring, compassionate, authentic, and so on. That's just how I am and most people percieve that as neediness but I see it as me being me. I expect so much from people that it really hurts when they don't come through. I will admit that I'm not  one to be easy, forgiving or letting things slide. I am very hot tempered and quick to snap, that's why I like to be by myself and if I do have friends most of the time they are people that compliment my personality. For example most of my friends are loud, outgoing, talkative and so on whereas I'm the complete opposite... That's how my life works.

My gloomy days are just me moping in self pity. I have told people time and time again that it's wrong to feel sorry for yourself...  I can't help but feel like that lately. Things are not going the way I planned and my life has definitely taken a u-turn. I'm yet to find out if it's the wrong direction or not. Fear of rejection led me to this position and fear of being in this position is what's still keeping me here. I don't take rejection very well, I have this whole cycle I go through where it's doubting, rejection, denial, fear then gloomy days. I didn't figure this out till November when I recieved what I thought at the time was earth shattering news.  

I find out more about myself everyday when things don't work out the way I planned. I found out just yesterday that I am weak when it comes to fighting for what I believe in. I shut down when I'm told to brag about myself, I can't remember a single thing that I have done that might count as remarkable. I'm such a chicken that I keep running away from opporunties that I know will take me places. I hide behind my problems and school and doubt my worth whenever I'm presented with an award. All these things are my flaws, they are the reason I see myself as  unworthy of everything I have worked hard to build with my own sweat and blood. I sometimes ask myself what my purpose really is on earth.

Somebody told me a while ago that "some people live life just to live it while others live life knowing  why they live it" and as always I remeber my one true friend; God. I'm starting to accept the whole "everything happens for a reason" quote from the bible (lol I'm really slow at these things). I can't really say that I have moved on from this situation and I'm all better, at least not yet. 

I think what's beautiful and calming is that I get to experience these things and share it with you guys. I know some of you have been in a similar situation or even the previous situation I was in, that's why I continue to share. I know what it means to have someone to relate to. Most of you don't leave comments but I receive y'all emails and honeslty some days those are the only thing that keeps me going. I'm trying hard to work on myself and focus on the positves of life. Thank you all so much for being there for me, I sincerely love and appreciate you all from the bottom of my heart.

I'm not much of a philosopher or anything of that nature, I'm just a thinker, a really deep thinker. This is the easiest way I can share my thoughts with you all. Thanks for reading if you have a question or suggestion on what my next rant should be about please feel free to email me @simplyjaelicousfashion@gmail.com. I'm always open to suggestions.

How do you deal with rejection?

That's all for now, until next time stay Fabu_lous! 

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