RANDOM RANT #6 FEAR

 There's two kind of fear; the drop everything and run fear  and the be sacred but endure it kind of fear. I have been asked more times than I can count what my biggest fear is.  My automatic reponse every time was failure, but after several months of deep thinking I realized that I'm not afraid of failure, I'm afraid of success. I've experienced small scale successes nothing huge and I think my fear is when I do experience that large scale success I won't know what to do with it.

Success can be a very lonely place  if you only want it for selfish reasons. And I think that's where I have a problem, because sometimes my need to succeed is purely selfish and other times its  not but the selfishness ultimately outweighs the selflessness.  And that scares me.

I'm  afraid of not completely letting myself  go. I've always been a stuck up person, nose in the cloud, I won't talk to you if I don't know you kinda girl.  I didn't have much friends because of this, but after going through  depression for some years I slowly started opening up to people. The more I opened up the more of myself I gave away to the world. It gave me peace. But sometimes I close my eyes, mouth and heart from the world. I let myself suffer my misery alone, I let myself bottle up everything to the point where i'm longer able to share with others or let myself go.


I sometimes fear the unknown. I love to plan out my life and what I hope to happen at this time and where I'm supposed to be at that time blah blah blah..

It doesn't always work out the way I want it. I'm learning to pick up the pieces when the storm of life rages instead of fighting against it. I've decided to let God have his way with everything concerning my life. I think sometimes he tests me with unexpected problems, and as always I freak out but I later find peace and acknowledge that it's apart of his plan. Its apart of bigger picture. A masterpiece.


I'm not much of a philosopher or anything of that nature, I'm just a thinker, a really deep thinker. This is the easiest way I can share my thoughts with you all. Thanks for reading if you have a question or suggestion on what my next rant should be about please feel free to email me @simplyjaelicousfashion@gmail.com. I'm always open to suggestions.

What are some of the things you fear?


That's all for now, until next time stay Fabu_lous! 

Simply
Jaelicous


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