"You think your story is the bad until you hear  the next person's" ~Jael Perkins

Hello everyone.
Hope your week is going well?
I've had the most amazing week ever, I don't think weekdays get any better than this. It's been one blessing after the other. God indeed is good.

I'm doing my first ever story time. I've been debating if I should do this for a really long time now, but as you can see I've made my decision. Today I'm going to talk about how I suffered severe depression.

It all started at the age of twelve. At the time I thought I knew all there was to know about life. My life was pretty good, I had a family that loved me and even though we were messed up it was really all I had at the time. This was before I truly accepted God. Like most depressions there wasn't really an incident that triggered it, it just sought of happened. I didn't understand it or anything at the time.

I remember constantly thinking how much I hated myself, my body and my life. I tried committing suicide twice and I thought about it everyday! No one around me was aware of this because I was such a good actress, I hid my pain well. I was always smiling being happy, doing the absolute most to get people to like me and accept me. It was horrible, I completely lost myself at that point in my life. I couldn't imagine that I  had a greater calling in life.

While going though all of this I had some problems going on at home. The situation was not friendly at all and it made me think my questions and doubts about myself were true. I was stuck in this stage for the next six years. I pretty much developed a routine after I suffered for a year. This routine later on became my life. I couldn't believe what I had made of myself. I remember all the big  plans I had for myself when I was little and how I dreamed to do better things with my life. I remember saying to myself every night "it's over now and soon you will be too, and maybe then the world would be at peace. Your world at least."

I'm the kind of person that likes to suffer in silence. I believe if your pain is not known you won't be judged. It makes sense to me. I suffered in silence for six years until I decided that I've had enough and decided to seek help. Well let me back track I did try to seek help three years in but my counselor and I disconnected. But this time I was very sure about seeking help. Instead of going to a therapist I sought out Jesus. I realized he's better than any therapist out there. And maybe I'm wrong  for being so angry at him but I was angry and I wanted him to fix me, because I believed at the time he broke me.

Anger took me to Christ, fear took me to Christ, disappointment took me to Christ, hatred took me to Christ. The thing is I wouldn't have it any other way.  I was delivered two years after this and I would love to say that I didn't turn back after this but I did and I went in that  dark place again. But with Christ being my help I was able to come out. I've forced myself to believe that all wounds don't really heal, they might open every now and then but you need to be firm and adamant in who helps you mend it when it's opened and I choose Jesus.

I've learned that everything does work out for the good of those who love him. Life is just a series of lessons. You'll sometimes be thrown into a lion's cage with a stick for a weapon and you'll be told to fight. That's my analogy on life and maybe it's not the most relatable but that's how my life's been and every time I've come out without a single scratch on me . I say it's God's doing not my mine.

As always thanks for stopping by.

That's all for now, until next time stay Fabu_lous!!


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