As a child growing up I was always told that happiness is a choice, which in other words means it's a decision.  I didn't fully understand this saying at the time because I was so broken, hurt and in pain. I remember saying to myself that it's easier said than done. Most times we say this to justify the reasons of our unhappiness.  And sometimes to we go about life with that open wound with no one to clean it it or care for it.

The first week of April I got my deliverance through a vision. I woke up at 5 AM and just thanked God. I got deliverance from 12 years of bondage and hurt. Sometimes you're so hurt and you keep telling yourself that it's going to get better, when it doesn't you lose hope. I may not have lost hope in those years, but  I did lose myself. I was so angry and I couldn't understand why I was angry. After I had that dream I got the closure I needed from my past, it made me understand why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do.

When I woke up from the dream I prayed and thanked God, because 12 years of bondage, shame, rejection, fear, backwardness and anger was over. I felt peace for the first time in my life. It was the kind of peace that just couldn't be explained, but you know deep down in your heart that it's  from God. As I was getting ready to go about my day I heard a voice telling me it's over. It kept repeating itself until I could feel it in my spirit.

I took that moment to contact a chapter from past to get the necessary closure. We talked on the phone for 30 minutes and 15 out of that 30 minutes was me expressing my feelings. For the first time in my life I was unapologetic my feelings. To my surprise the person's response was exactly what I needed to hear. I broke down, and in that moment I realized that I have what I've been searching for this whole time.

 I realized that I am enough. I don't need to be a little more of this or a little less of that, I am enough. In that short moment I also realized that my freedom has come and that I'm no longer broken, for the lord has fixed me and that it is true that broken things can be made new.  It was the best feeling ever in the world and when I got off the phone, I couldn't stop laughing because I was free at last. I experienced a joy that I can't even understand nor explain, it was just beautiful.

The 22nd was an amazing day! I had my first ever fashion show. Excuse my pictures they're a little blurry and unprofessional.

I had a lot of fun with my friends. We went out to eat afterwards. #modelbehavior we slayed stuff last week. Thanks to everyone that came out and made it an success. I'm truly blessed to have had this opportunity to educate and entertain people about something that's very dear to my heart.

All in all April was an amazing month. I truly found myself and learn what it means to forgive. It's something that definitely took time but I'm glad that I'm here. I learned how much let go and love. I'm pretty excited for what the future holds. I'm clueless at the moment but I trust in God to deliver.

That's all for now, until next time stay Fabu_lous! 

Simply Jaelicous 

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