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I've heard too many people say you gotta take the good with the bad. What happens if there's no good in the bad? if the bad is just... bad? I'm learning everyday that I can not have control over everything, the things I do have control over I make sure I take care of them to the best of my ability. I share a lot of my life on this platform but I have been secretly suffering for a while now and I just felt like I couldn't share this part of my journey because it would offend people or call attention to my problems. I say fuck it! As most of you already know I have been out of my mother's house for quite some time now. I don't complain about things because I am content with what I have. I have learned to be pleased with God.  There was a lot of confusion surrounding my leave, a lot of pointing fingers and he say and she say. I didn't understand why the people that were suppose to love me didn't love me anymore. 

Throughout the summer of 2017 I had panic attacks and the pain was very unbearable to say the least. There were times when I thought going back would make things better or just putting my pride aside and admitting to things I never did in order to be good with them. I was lonely because I didn't have a family, the ones that I had grown familiar to were no more. The mother I had grown to love was no more. I was hurt, bitter and felt like dying but who was I going to share all of this with? Who was going to listen to me? hear my story without any judgments? I suffered in silence and only a handful of people knew the demons I was facing. They encouraged me and some even joined me to fight. 

I almost went through depression thinking I couldn't live without my mother because she couldn't live without me. She lived without me, hell she LIVED without me! I forgot what it was like to live for Jael because I spent so many years living for everyone else, making sure that everyone was good and had everything. I forgot what it felt like to live for me. I didn't know who I was. I thought I did but as I was analyzing things I realized that I didn't. I grew in to the person everyone wanted not the person I was suppose to be. For the longest of time I kept wondering why every little thing use to make me mad, I wondered why sometimes I hated to be around people. I didn't know that I was living somebody's life. The Jael I know now laughs all the time, brings joy to people, she loves with her whole heart. She lives so freely and she gives!




September 16th was the day I decided  to pull myself together. I had received a phone call about another accusation and I felt so bad. I knew within myself what the purpose of the call was. I knew that they wanted to bring me down because I was finally thriving without them. I knew! But I still fell in that sunken place because I kept thinking what could I have done to deserve this? especially from the people I love the most. September 17th I sat  myself down and told myself that never again will I allow them to bring me down. I told myself that if I must make it it'll have to be through outsiders but definitely not my family. I stopped being angry because anger didn't do anything. I stopped being bitter because bitterness didn't help my situation, I decided to let go and live. When I did that I saw a shift in the atmosphere. There was a time when I use to wait for the affirmation of others before I did certain things but I didn't anymore. I lived bih! I got my nails done, sipped on some lemonade and planned my next move. Shit I was stunting on these hoes with my heart being all broken and shit. And you guys definitely couldn't figure it out because I was slaying the hell out of those outfit posts. I look good when I'm in pain and I think all these motherfuckers know that fact lol.





As 2018 was approaching and I was counting my many blessings of 2017 I realized something. In the beginning of the year I prayed that God would remove anybody in my life that was toxic. I prayed and fasted on this. When it started to manifest I was okay with it because it started with friends, and friends and more friends. When it got to my family I started getting angry and I didn't want to separate myself because I didn't want to believe  they were toxic, hell I didn't know anything outside of them. After months of fighting the inevitable, I finally gave in and let God handle the rest. I didn't know that the void in my soul could ever be filled. I tried filling it with everything else but God. I forgot about God for a second, I was so focused on who was going to love me, who was going to take care of me, and who was going to make me feel good again. I forgot that God did all of those things before anyone did. I forgot that God loved me before I even loved myself. I forgot God. I was roaming around with the wrong guys and wrong friends and family trying to fill the void that only Jesus could fill. So now that I know I'm letting him fill that void. I'm no longer living to please anyone, not even myself. I'm living to please him; the one that loves me the most.






SHOP THIS LOOK
         

       That's all for now, until next time stay fabu-lous!
Peace, love and happy shopping
  

THE BLACK JUMPSUIT (WHAT WAS THE END OF MY WORLD AS I KNEW IT) IT'S A TELL A BIH!


I've heard too many people say you gotta take the good with the bad. What happens if there's no good in the bad? if the bad is just... bad? I'm learning everyday that I can not have control over everything, the things I do have control over I make sure I take care of them to the best of my ability. I share a lot of my life on this platform but I have been secretly suffering for a while now and I just felt like I couldn't share this part of my journey because it would offend people or call attention to my problems. I say fuck it! As most of you already know I have been out of my mother's house for quite some time now. I don't complain about things because I am content with what I have. I have learned to be pleased with God.  There was a lot of confusion surrounding my leave, a lot of pointing fingers and he say and she say. I didn't understand why the people that were suppose to love me didn't love me anymore. 

Throughout the summer of 2017 I had panic attacks and the pain was very unbearable to say the least. There were times when I thought going back would make things better or just putting my pride aside and admitting to things I never did in order to be good with them. I was lonely because I didn't have a family, the ones that I had grown familiar to were no more. The mother I had grown to love was no more. I was hurt, bitter and felt like dying but who was I going to share all of this with? Who was going to listen to me? hear my story without any judgments? I suffered in silence and only a handful of people knew the demons I was facing. They encouraged me and some even joined me to fight. 

I almost went through depression thinking I couldn't live without my mother because she couldn't live without me. She lived without me, hell she LIVED without me! I forgot what it was like to live for Jael because I spent so many years living for everyone else, making sure that everyone was good and had everything. I forgot what it felt like to live for me. I didn't know who I was. I thought I did but as I was analyzing things I realized that I didn't. I grew in to the person everyone wanted not the person I was suppose to be. For the longest of time I kept wondering why every little thing use to make me mad, I wondered why sometimes I hated to be around people. I didn't know that I was living somebody's life. The Jael I know now laughs all the time, brings joy to people, she loves with her whole heart. She lives so freely and she gives!




September 16th was the day I decided  to pull myself together. I had received a phone call about another accusation and I felt so bad. I knew within myself what the purpose of the call was. I knew that they wanted to bring me down because I was finally thriving without them. I knew! But I still fell in that sunken place because I kept thinking what could I have done to deserve this? especially from the people I love the most. September 17th I sat  myself down and told myself that never again will I allow them to bring me down. I told myself that if I must make it it'll have to be through outsiders but definitely not my family. I stopped being angry because anger didn't do anything. I stopped being bitter because bitterness didn't help my situation, I decided to let go and live. When I did that I saw a shift in the atmosphere. There was a time when I use to wait for the affirmation of others before I did certain things but I didn't anymore. I lived bih! I got my nails done, sipped on some lemonade and planned my next move. Shit I was stunting on these hoes with my heart being all broken and shit. And you guys definitely couldn't figure it out because I was slaying the hell out of those outfit posts. I look good when I'm in pain and I think all these motherfuckers know that fact lol.





As 2018 was approaching and I was counting my many blessings of 2017 I realized something. In the beginning of the year I prayed that God would remove anybody in my life that was toxic. I prayed and fasted on this. When it started to manifest I was okay with it because it started with friends, and friends and more friends. When it got to my family I started getting angry and I didn't want to separate myself because I didn't want to believe  they were toxic, hell I didn't know anything outside of them. After months of fighting the inevitable, I finally gave in and let God handle the rest. I didn't know that the void in my soul could ever be filled. I tried filling it with everything else but God. I forgot about God for a second, I was so focused on who was going to love me, who was going to take care of me, and who was going to make me feel good again. I forgot that God did all of those things before anyone did. I forgot that God loved me before I even loved myself. I forgot God. I was roaming around with the wrong guys and wrong friends and family trying to fill the void that only Jesus could fill. So now that I know I'm letting him fill that void. I'm no longer living to please anyone, not even myself. I'm living to please him; the one that loves me the most.






SHOP THIS LOOK
         

       That's all for now, until next time stay fabu-lous!
Peace, love and happy shopping
  

It's happening again... you know the thing where what you expect starts happening to you? I have tried so hard to be positive since the beginning of this year and it has worked for the most part but I can smell negativity coming from a mile away. Am I tired of negativity? hell yeah but I think at this point in my life I just have to wear my big girl panties and suck it up. It's hard dealing with people especially when they're emotional people. I love people; crazy people because I can relate to them, but I don't need crazy all the time because I'm also crazy and I need to work on my crazy. I just thought I should rant... nothing much is really going on these days. How are you guys doing?

















SHOP THIS LOOK
         

        That's all for now, until next time stay fabu-lous!


Peace, love and happy shopping



SKY WALKER


It's happening again... you know the thing where what you expect starts happening to you? I have tried so hard to be positive since the beginning of this year and it has worked for the most part but I can smell negativity coming from a mile away. Am I tired of negativity? hell yeah but I think at this point in my life I just have to wear my big girl panties and suck it up. It's hard dealing with people especially when they're emotional people. I love people; crazy people because I can relate to them, but I don't need crazy all the time because I'm also crazy and I need to work on my crazy. I just thought I should rant... nothing much is really going on these days. How are you guys doing?

















SHOP THIS LOOK
         

        That's all for now, until next time stay fabu-lous!


Peace, love and happy shopping




Hey dolls! 
In the spirit of a new year and new beginnings I have a new video on my channel. 
check it out.












NEW YEARS GLAMOUR LOOK


Hey dolls! 
In the spirit of a new year and new beginnings I have a new video on my channel. 
check it out.













Dear black girls I created this platform to spread love, awareness and beauty. If you have a story I'm sure others would love to hear it. Share your journey with us, teach, enlighten us. Melanin Mondays are for you. 

Sincerely, 
an unapologetic black girl
Jael

INTRODUCING MELANIN MONDAYS


Dear black girls I created this platform to spread love, awareness and beauty. If you have a story I'm sure others would love to hear it. Share your journey with us, teach, enlighten us. Melanin Mondays are for you. 

Sincerely, 
an unapologetic black girl
Jael
 
Hey dolls,
Happy  New year. 🎆 
2017 was the year that broke me, left me vulnerable at times and made me feel like shit. There were a few times I thought I was dying but I survived. A few times I thought my heart had stopped beating but then I inhaled and exhaled and found peace. 2017 was the year I learned that what I knew about life was definitely irrelevant compare to what I was experiencing. I lost of lot of people I thought were important at the time, I lost my family, I lost my home but I found God. I found peace and independence. I found joy, happiness that was not attached to anyone. So in conclusion my 2017 was bittersweet and definitely one of those years I’ll never forget. 2018 will be amazing! I know it, I can feel it and I’m waiting and planning.
 








 


 

 

 That's all for now, until next time stay fabu-lous!
Peace, love and happy shopping


WELCOMING 2018

 
Hey dolls,
Happy  New year. 🎆 
2017 was the year that broke me, left me vulnerable at times and made me feel like shit. There were a few times I thought I was dying but I survived. A few times I thought my heart had stopped beating but then I inhaled and exhaled and found peace. 2017 was the year I learned that what I knew about life was definitely irrelevant compare to what I was experiencing. I lost of lot of people I thought were important at the time, I lost my family, I lost my home but I found God. I found peace and independence. I found joy, happiness that was not attached to anyone. So in conclusion my 2017 was bittersweet and definitely one of those years I’ll never forget. 2018 will be amazing! I know it, I can feel it and I’m waiting and planning.
 








 


 

 

 That's all for now, until next time stay fabu-lous!
Peace, love and happy shopping


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